A Bitchy Narcissistic Railgun
by Cun
Summary: In which we revisit the Railgun anime starting from episode one. However, something is off about the girls this time. Could it be the fact that their personalities have become more or less the opposite of their canon selves?
1. Chapter 1: Erectionmaster

**Note: **Just messing around.

* * *

**A Bitchy Narcissistic Railgun**

**Episode 1: Erectionmaster**

A large boom reverberated through the streets of Academy City. The streetlights blinked and went out, causing traffic genocide in one of the nearest crossroads. Drivers and pedestrians alike looked up at the sky, but not a single cloud blocked the radiant sun.

The source of the thunder lay elsewhere.

"K-chan, gimme my directions already!" Kuroko was half sprinting, half teleporting through the alleys of area A in District 7, communicating with her Judgment partner back at the 177th Branch Office.

"But this scene was just getting good!" Her partner, Uiharu Kazari, sounded disappointed.

"Are you watching porn at work again!?"

"N—no…" the voice at the other end turned timid, and Kuroko's brow twitched in annoyance while she jumped over a fallen trashcan, evidence of flight.

"How many times do I have to tell you that shit isn't good for you? I swear, the day your soul burns in eternal misery because of the sins you've—"

"Yaa~awn." Uiharu promptly interrupted her with an exaggerated yawn. "Really, Shirai-san, do you have any self-awareness at all? I'm not the only one with a collection, you know."

Kuroko reddened. "Mine is perfectly humane! Yours however, full of all that creepy shit – I don't even want to know."

"Come on, it's just two girls instead of a girl and a boy. Your porn isn't _that _much better. Actually, I find them more insulting to us because they usually frequent one boy doing several different girls. Plus, girls are hotter."

"But _you're_ a girl!"

"Oh gee, you don't say? I thought these things on my chest were tumors! I better cancel the appointment for their removal."

Kuroko sighed. "All I'm saying is you should think about your spiritual health a little."

"Oh I am, believe me! These girl-on-girl scenes really lift my spirit! You wouldn't believe what happened in the latest doujin—"

"For fuck's sake, stop there." There was no helping her, and Kuroko'd be damned if she got pulled into this conversation right now. "At least tell me you hid it from Konori-senpai."

"Chill, I distracted her with the newest issue of Dairy Digest Deluxe. She's busy drooling over lemon milkshake right now."

Oh thank God. It wasn't that Kuroko shared or approved of Uiharu's particular interests, but she did have her own collection to think about. The last thing she wanted was for Konori-senpai to conduct a full-out flushing of anything work-unrelated on their computers. Frankly, there'd be nothing left.

Right now, however, the current situation was far more pressing.

"Alright, so gimme my fucking directions already, I'm going to lose them at this rate."

"Fine, fine, just lemme put my panties back on."

Feeling anxious, Kuroko looked back and forth down each alleyway at the interjection she'd stopped at, while the sounds of movement and shifting fabric crossed over the connection. Finally, Kazari spoke up again.

"Okay, so, um, let's see here… is this up or down? Aaah! The screen went black!" Whatever the hell she was doing on that computer, Kuroko could do nothing but wait. "Oh! I accidentally hit the power button, haha. Okay so this red dot is you, right? Um, and these numbers… right! You want to go straight ahead about fifty meters and then take a left. I think."

"Thank. You." Kuroko huffed, now really stressed, and took off again. Apart from having annoying arguments with her partner about these things, there hadn't been any sign of her prey yet, and she was starting to fear she'd already lost them. Normally she wouldn't rely on her partner for this sort of navigation, but these alleys were a twisting labyrinth of pipes and narrow passages. She'd spend more time searching for the right passage than waiting for Kazari to get her tits in a line.

Kuroko teleported ahead the last few meters and slid around the corner, brandishing her Judgment armband while her pigtails flew about her face.

"This is Judgment! Give yourself up and this will be over without any pain!"

The alley was an unremarkable alley, just as dirty and dark as any other alley in Academy City. However this particular alley was, in addition, a complete mess. The walls were scorched black, several people were all lying about like ragdolls, trails of steam rising from their bodies. Her heart soared at the sight of wild manes of dark hair and headbands. _They're really here! _But they also looked like they needed an ambulance.

The only person still standing was a girl in the same school uniform as Kuroko, and she turned around just as Kuroko spoke up, a flash of blue electricity leaving her bangs.

"Hm? Oh, Kuroko. Rare seeing you lift your ass up to respond so quickly. Something up?"

"Ugh—" All the adrenaline drained out in an instant. "Mi-chan. What the hell are you doing?"

Misaka Mikoto, esteemed Level 5 and Ace of Tokiwadai middle school, flipped a lock of hair behind her ear with a nonchalant shrug. "I can do whatever I want."

"That's not my point! You just fried the hottest gang around these parts!" She'd really looked forward to pinning them up against the wall and pulling out her handcuffs. Goddamn this insensitive brute for beating her to it.

Misaka-san glanced at the gang she'd taken down. "You were tailing these guys? Really, Kuroko, you need to do something about your taste." The corners of her mouth quirked upwards. "Although, you're right. They are pretty hot right now."

Kuroko groaned. "Man, so much for my piece of fun. If you're not gonna use them, stop stealing them!"

"What? I need my fun as well. It's not _that _often I get to fry some useless Level 0's. They tend to avoid me like the plague." She sighed heavily, as if the reason was a great mystery. "Just make sure you clean this up properly, will you?"

The girl with the title of the third strongest slung her schoolbag over her shoulder, and proceeded to stroll off. Kuroko remained with the knocked out thugs, seething in disappointment until the egocentric jerk rounded the corner and vanished out of sight. Then, she glanced over the guys again and slowly lit up.

"…wait, if they're unconscious…"

XXX

The rays of the June sun played gently on her skin, and made Mikoto's hair shimmer; she shook her head lightly, catching the looks from those passing by. Some awed, others curious, some outright astonished to see her, in real life, walking down the street like a commoner. Everybody knew her name, even if they'd never seen her in person. After all, she was Academy City's Electric Princess, and their number one poster girl.

She smiled at a couple of passing girls, who instantly blushed and giggled as they hurried off.

"Did you see that? It was Misaka Mikoto, the Railgun!"

"I can't believe she smiled at us!"

_Damn, I'm fine. _Her smile quirked into a smirk as she walked on, swaying her hips slightly, bag slung over her shoulder and stature straight and proud. It was a damn fine day for showing off, and the sun would give her skin a nice tan as well, as long as she didn't linger for too long. She even got some stress relief over and done with thanks to those morons back there. Once they realized just who it was they'd tried to hit on, they'd tried to flee. Fat chance.

"Mi-chan!" Out of nowhere, Kuroko the Telepest appeared beside her. She looked winded, and her skirt was askew. The girl looked like a mess, and now it seemed like she planned on hanging out.

"Don't come near me looking like you came right out of a gang bang." Ouch, the images. Wrong choice of words.

"Damn, being in Judgment is… so much work." Kuroko breathed, trying to keep up with her while adjusting her skirt and fixing one of the bows in her hair. "And you're not making it any easier, Mi-chan."

"Shut up with the Mi-chan already." Mikoto huffed. "I've told you plenty of times to call me Onee-sama in public. I do have an image to maintain."

Kuroko grimaced and hung her head with a defeated groan.

"Would you move over a little? People might think I know you."

"Ah, you know, _Onee-sama_, if you were a tiny bit more pleasant, maybe I'd actually do what you ask for once."

Mikoto sighed lightly. "Well you know what happens if you don't. Or would you rather try to change rooms again?"

This sent a satisfying shudder through the other girl and she lingered behind for a few meters; Mikoto smirked thinly. Seeing how Kuroko was a rather lazy person, she'd long since given up on changing rooms because of all the paperwork involved. And it wasn't like Mikoto hurt her. Much.

"I like having you as my roommate, you know. For one thing, you don't steal my panties." She added without looking back, and Kuroko snorted.

"I thought you figured the world needs more of your naked brilliance."

"Obviously. But walking around naked is cold."

"Then stop doing so at our dorm. And please stop banging up my prey. I spent hours finding those guys, and was just waiting for them to step over the line." Her indignation wasn't all that convincing, given her state.

"You look like you had your fun anyway though. Took your share of pictures too, I trust?" Mikoto turned into another alley and stopped in front of a vending machine, just as a group of girls passed by. Every one of them reddened and giggled at each other as they hurried off, whispering eagerly. Mikoto was only listening with half an ear, busy checking her reflection in the glass, but her smirk grew nonetheless. Yes, this was a great day so far, and it had hardly begun yet.

Kuroko sighed and pulled out her phone, presumably in order to check some sort of religious cult site.

"You're not going back to the office?" Mikoto asked, cracking her neck to both sides.

"My shift is over. I'm heading the same way as you, sadly."

"Then please go ahead, with your impressive Level 4 teleportation of instantaneous movement. Or are you attempting to diet again?"

Kuroko jerked and reddened, promptly confirming Mikoto's suspicion.

"Take my advice, and aim for the other way around. You're already thin as a stick, and not in a good way. I swear I could use your fingers—"

"You're not using _any _part of me, thank you!" Kuroko instantly cut her off with a disturbed shriek. "Are you going to buy something or not? Get a move on already." With cheeks like burnt tomatoes, she looked back at her cell phone. Mikoto snapped her fingers, short-circuiting the device in a flurry of sparks. "Woah!?" Kuroko jumped backwards and stared in astonishment at her now smoking cell phone. "Wha-What the?"

"Watch your tone, brat."

"The hell!?" Kuroko looked accusingly at her, gritting her teeth tightly.

This girl was so friggin' annoying. Mikoto turned on the spot and raised her leg for a violent kick.

"GEKO!" Her foot connected to the side of the vending machine with a magnificent bang, and Kuroko screeched almost at the same time;

"Fuck—I take my eyes off of you for two seconds and you're already destroying shit!"

"Well keep your eyes glued then. I know I would."

A single can rattled into the collector and Mikoto bent down to pick it up. Corn soup. She grimaced.

"Here, this is for you." She tossed the can at Kuroko, who barely managed to catch it without dropping her phone.

"You're a fucking asshole." She looked annoyed, but at the same time a visible tremor ran through her jaw. Even though she tried to act the proper Judgment member, Mikoto knew better. That pigtailed girl found breaking the law far more amusing than obeying it.

"Lemme ask you something, Mi-chan."

"That's Onee-sama, you dumbass."

"After all that griping about panties, how come you're not even _using any_?"

Mikoto smirked and prepared to kick the machine again, when the beeping sirens of security bots speared the silence. They came rushing around a turn further down the alley, and Mikoto's bangs sparked in amusement.

...

…

"One of these days, you're going to give me a heart attack." Kuroko sighed at their new position, eighty meters up and away from the vending machine. A scorched pile of dysfunctional security bots smoked helplessly in front of it.

Mikoto leaned on the railing with a sigh. "I can hear something whining. Not sure what it is."

"Even if I'm off duty, being caught committing mass murder on the security bots would mean trouble to me, you know?" Kuroko looked at her phone and sighed. "You totally lack restraints…"

"And you're one rotten Judgment member."

"At least I'm straight. What time is it, anyway?" She glanced up at the newscasting blimp over their heads, and her eyes widened. "Oh no, we gotta get going. Your photo shoot starts in just fifteen minutes!"

The teleporter grabbed her wrist, and Mikoto huffed. "Can't we just grab a cab?"

"Grow a dick."

XXX

Mikoto's photo shoots were always so elaborate. Naturally, they took enough photos for a variety of uses, and for several different magazines too. Kuroko was not even allowed inside while the shoot went on, and that was fine with her. She had no qualms about not seeing that narcissist having her ego all blown out of proportion. Besides, she had her own session to attend.

She might not really be an idol like Mikoto, but Tokiwadai required all of their students to attend these classes as a means of ensuring their physical and confidence development. Kuroko had been allowed to model for some of their kid's clothes and costumes, which were amazingly cute!

Nothing could compare to the senpai she shared a wardrobe with though. Just a few weeks ago, the bubbliest girl she'd ever seen her life transferred to their school, entering the same class as Mikoto. Because of the schedule, they sometimes had this class at the same time.

Kuroko had just changed into her panda outfit and exited the changing room when she ran into her.

"Oh gosh, Shirai-san, you look sooo cute like that!"

Kuroko turned towards the voice, pleased to see her senior walking down the hallway in an adorable magical girl outfit with a matching wand (which she swung around merrily). The frills and detailed pattern created a stunningly cute expression on the taller girl.

There was no way Kuroko would allow herself to think of it, but if Kongou Mitsuko had been a boy, she would be all over her. Sadly, Kongou-san had rather large boobs and was quite unmistakably a girl, but she was still a joy to be around. How much would it take to be _her _roommate, Kuroko wondered.

"Good to see you, Ko-senpai!" She greeted her senior, who stopped and hid a giggle behind a hand.

"You silly. How many times have I told you to call me Mitsu-chan, huh?"

"It's too long."

"Mi-chan will do."

"That's already taken."

Kongou-san sighed, but even then, she still looked as cheerful as ever. "By Misaka-san, huh. I saw her getting in earlier. I guess I can't compete with her!" She spun around on the spot, and Kuroko silently told herself that yes, she could compete on every level that mattered.

Kuroko looked over in the direction of the main studio, where flashlights were going off nonstop.

"Wonder if she'll make the cover of _AC Level High _again."

"Of course she will! Our Misaka-san is amazing, you know!" Kongou-san giggled and spun her wand. "If she doesn't, I'll make it happen anyway!"

"You sure are optimistic."

"Well, we wouldn't want that Mugino-san to win, do we? Misaka-san always gets so disappointed at that." Kongou-san cooed, cocking her head to the side in a way that made Kuroko's heart shudder. She wanted to put a leash on the girl and take her home as her puppy.

"I guess that's true." Whenever Misaka-san lost to the other Level 5s, she made sure to take his displeasure out on her roommate too. It was better to not think about that.

Kongou-san immediately beamed. "Even if that happens though, it'll be alright. All you need is crepe!"

It was impossible not to smile around this girl. "You're right. Let's cheer for Onee-sama."

Kongou-san grinned and gave a salute. "I'm off for today; you have fun in there!"

She passed by Kuroko on her way into the changing room, and Kuroko stared at her swaying butt.

_Please Lord, forgive me this insolence. _

XXX

Flash, flash, flash. Every set of photos was like balm on her skin. Like a lover's touch, sliding across her body, enveloping her in silk and lotion. Ah, cameras. Whoever invented those amazing devices deserved a smack on the butt.

Mikoto felt more and more charged and good-looking for each series of shots, and sipped the bottle offered by one of the assistants. Every set of admiring eyes following her movement was welcome, building her enjoyment even more.

"Alright, Misaka-san, last series of shots now. Give us your best Railgun pose please! You are the strongest electromaster, make us believe it!"

With a small heave, she plastered a grin onto her face and got into position. While the camera flashes went off around her once more, she could only think of one thing.

_This place needs more mirrors._

XXX

At a bench outside one of District Seven's biggest shopping malls, sat a girl with a wild gathering of flowers across her head and equally flowery glasses adorning her nose. Her collar looked askew, as if she'd thrown her uniform on without a second thought this morning, and her eyes were glued to the screen on her cell phone through the huge lenses of her glasses.

"Hmm, nothing about the next doujin… damn." Kazari sighed and hung her head, cell phone between her hands. The screen blinked with the latest news on her most visited webpage, highlevelsmut dot com. Even in her depressed state, Kazari couldn't help but glance up at the screen and the poster figure currently flashing at her, in a pose suggesting she was about to fire a bullet up your butt. _I really wouldn't mind that either~ _Kazari giggled to herself, and then grew solemn.

She couldn't really make up her mind. Shirai-san had actually asked her to come and meet Misaka Mikoto, Academy City's number one idol, poster girl and advertisement tool, in person. Not only was she all of those however, she was also the main character in most of Kazari's doujins. She should be ecstatic, but actually, she was rather troubled by the proposal.

The thing was, they were usually nothing like what they looked like on TV. Everyone knew those idols were always prettied up before photo shoots and the like, with make-up and stylists and what-not._ I mean, in the latest doujin she looks so awesome in that terrorist outfit. Oh god, I get wet just thinking about it! _She was starting to pant, fingers twitching with desire.

"Jeez, those guys are _so _talentless." An indignant sigh disturbed her expanding fantasies, and Kazari turned her head to see her best friend, Saten Ruiko, walking up with a huff. She was applying more lipstick, even though her face already swam in make-up (and probably the rest of her body too). It was the like the motion was as crucial to her as breathing.

"I take it it didn't go well, huh?" Kazari asked, carefully adjusting her expression into one of compassion.

"Those morons don't know real talent when they see it!" Saten-san complained, putting her lipstick away and smacking her lips together. She was a slender and beautiful girl, by all means. It just so happened that she was also a Level 0. "Level this, Level that. The same tirade every time. _Come back when you've developed something significant._ What the hell's that supposed to mean. These _are_ significant!" She lifted her breasts up as if to show them off. Even beneath the school uniform, they were not to be underestimated, and Kazari shuffled her legs awkwardly.

Looking defeated, Saten-san plopped down on the bench beside Kazari.

"I mean, there's no way I can be as amazing as the Railgun anyway."

At this point, Kazari usually just heard her out, which was the best way of dealing with her rants. But Saten-san's rant seemed to be over already, and now she hung her head, looking far more depleted than normal. Kazari knew she'd had her hopes up for this audition.

She tried to cheer her up. "Maybe they wouldn't blow you off so quickly if you didn't wear a school uniform two sizes too small."

"But this shows off my midriff better!" Ruiko's head snapped up with new determination, and she pulled at the top that barely even reached her navel. While it did show off her skin nicely, Kazari knew that wasn't what those studios were looking for. There was no use trying to tell Saten-san that though; she'd tried before.

"Well, maybe you just need a break then. Get some inspiration."

She didn't like the smirk that grew on Ruiko's face, and not the way she leaned closer either. Not because it was disgusting; rather the opposite. Saten Ruiko was _really_ hot, and her close proximity made it difficult to stay level-headed.

"You inviting me to read some of your porn with you, Ka-za-ri-chaaaan? I'll borrow your porn scanners again too; I love these ridiculous flowers on the sides!" Kazari eep'ed when Saten-san flicked her glasses.

Then, the girl sat back and sighed. "What I really need is a way to figure out how the bigshots really do it though. Uwaaah, I'm in such a dump right now."

Before the girl could sink even deeper into her despair, Kazari slid a hand under her skirt and quickly found her panties.

"U-Uiharu!?" Saten-san jerked, and Kazari nodded in approval.

"Good, good. You shaved today, didn't you?"

"Of course!" Saten-san blushed. But then she straightened up, allowing Kazari to continue touching. "Well, take your time, Kazari-chan. Enjoy what a real woman feels like. Oh, by the way. Did you ever ask that Shirai-san at your Judgment thingy about that thing?"

"Ah…" Kazari faltered, a small chill gathering in her neck. "Well… actually, no." She'd never figured out how to do that without activating another one of Shirai-san endless speeches.

"What the fuck? You useless nerd!" Saten-san pulled away with a huff. "I'm not talking to you again till you do."

"Come on, Saten-san! Besides, I didn't need to talk to her. She actually invited me to come meet her today."

It was like watching a transformation. Saten-san span around and now, glitters filled her eyes. "Are you for real? She asked you to come meet Misaka fucking Mikoto? Why are you even sitting here right now! Let's go already!"

Yeah, that was the expected reaction. Kazari sighed. "I can't decide if I want to."

She earned an incredulous stare for that. "Why the fuck not?"

"Well, I mean… she's good fapping material, but honestly, meeting her in real life will probably just ruin the effect."

"Oh come on, don't be a wuss. I'll come with you!"

What a surprise. "Why don't you just go for me? I don't really feel like it."

"You crazy bitch!" Saten-san grabbed her hand and pulled her up so suddenly her glasses nearly slid off. "I need you to observe my first ever interaction with the ultimate idol! I am going to challenge Misaka-san to a bitch off!"

Kazari pressed her lips together, but then finally gave in. Actually, that might be worth witnessing if nothing else.

XXX

Joseph's was an unpopular restaurant, which might be why Misaka-san always insisted on visiting it. It was cramped and rundown, and the owner glared at anyone who tried to enter. Maybe he'd taken a liking to Misaka-san simply because she spent a fortune there. In return, they were perfectly safe from people who might witness her true nature.

"Phff."

Right at this moment, the Ace of Tokiwadai was shooting drops of soda through the air using her straw as a blowpipe.

Her target was Kuroko.

The teleporter grimaced as yet another splotch of sticky soda hit her forehead.

"Um… so, as I was saying, Tokiwadai has asked me to do something about your loner image. They want to start building you up as a great people person with tons of friends."

"Phff." Another drop hit her collar, staining the fabric. Kuroko didn't even blink. _Just one and a half year left… _Unless Misaka-san somehow managed to pull her along as her roommate even when she entered high school, Kuroko would be free at this time in two years. What a blissful thought.

"For a start, I've invited one of my Judgment colleagues to meet us today. She's…" she paused, trying to find the most politically correct way of stating this, "…a great fan of yours."

Well, for Misaka-san, someone who enjoyed reading about her in doujins over meeting her in real life might be the perfect fan for all Kuroko knew.

Misaka-san leaned back into the couch, crossed her feet on the table, and shot the next drop of soda across the furniture and onto the window.

"A fan, huh." She spoke around the straw. "You must hate your friends, Kuroko."

"I do my very best to get rid of them one by one."

Misaka-san gave her an askew grin. The worst part was, when she didn't speak, the Level 5 was actually dangerously good-looking. The main problem with her was that she was perfectly aware of this fact. In that moment, even Kuroko had trouble resisting her taunting handsomeness.

Thankfully, the moment was destroyed when she put her straw back into her soda and blew as hard as she could, spilling the drink all over the table.

"Ey, you gonna clean that shit up?" Joseph called out from somewhere behind the register, and Misaka-san gave him the finger without looking over.

"Screw you, I'm paying you more than your mom's worth anyway."

Kuroko huffed and looked outside, just in time to see Uiharu's unimpressed expression, and a girl she'd never met who looked to be sparkling in admiration through the window.

_She brought a hooker?_

XXX

"Umm…" Kuroko hesitated, because circumstances were already tense. They had left the restaurant in order to meet the girls outside, and Misaka-san kept tapping her finger onto her folded arms, brow furrowed in annoyance. Kuroko knew perfectly well what that meant. Basically, she was already bored. And when Misaka-san got bored, bad things happened.

That was not to say the other two girl's expressions were any easier to handle. Uiharu looked conflicted, trying her best to look anywhere but at Misaka-san, and the other girl had puffed her chest up and placed her hands on her hips, as if trying to make a statement.

Feeling a sense of urgency, Kuroko decided to speed things up.

"So, as for introductions…" She gestured to the bespectacled partner of hers. "This is Uiharu Kazari, my Judgment partner in 177th branch, and a junior at Sakugawa middle school."

"You hang out with nerds?" Misaka-san said, and Uiharu jerked, reddening quite a bit.

"No… Uiharu has consequently had the worst grades in her class since fourth grade." Kuroko said, to an undignified splutter from Uiharu. "She's a klutz with computers too."

"Sh-Shirai-san!"

"Moving on, this is…" Kuroko hesitated. She had no clue who the girl accompanying Uiharu was.

A huge sigh answered her. The girl put her hands on her hips and glared at Misaka-san.

"Is this really _that _Railgun?"

Oh God, not one of those. Kuroko could already feel the hairs rising on her neck, as Misaka-san's scowl grew deeper and deadlier. The fact that her lips pulled up into a grin was _not _a good thing in this case. It was like the sneer of a lion.

"Who the fuck are you?"

Just from that one sentence, the ground began vibrating with rage.

The girl grinned. "_I _am Saten Ruiko. Really though, that's it? I was hoping to be impressed or something."

Was she trying to challenge her or what!? Kuroko wanted to warn her to keep her mouth shut, but the feeling of static had already surrounded all of them.

"I see. Saten-san and Uiharu-san, is it? What a pleasure to meet you." Misaka-san's voice held the utmost contempt barely trapped beneath the surface. "_I _am the Railgun. Number three, and all that shit. That means I'm su-pe-ri-or, got it? I'm better than you." She raised her chin and glared at Saten-san with the animosity of a pitbull. "So what were you saying?"

Uiharu moaned and caught onto Saten-san's shoulder as her knees seemed to grow weak. "H-Help me, Saten-san. I'm so wet!"

"Jeez, fine, touch my panties already." Saten-san lifted her skirt and Uiharu dove in with a sigh of relief.

"Gah—!" Kuroko cried out, and dove forward. "Not here in front of me, you don't!" Uiharu squealed as Kuroko pulled her away from Saten-san, and Misaka-san snorted at the shameless girl.

"Figures that's the best you can get with your looks."

"Excuse me, beatch?" Saten-san spoke up, glaring at the Level 5 with surprising courage, or stupidity; it was hard to determine. "You have no idea who you're talking to, do you?"

Misaka-san's smirk sent shudders down Kuroko's spine. "Sorry, I don't speak bimbo. By the way, you might want to tone down on the make-up there. Looks like your face caught on fire and someone tried to put it out with a fork."

"Pfh—!?" Kuroko's eyes boggled, but after the initial shock, Saten-san's lips quirked into a grin.

"Woah, bigshot. Looks like you have it plenty in your mouth, but your chest is a little lackluster, isn't it? I eat dumplings bigger than that."

Kuroko jerked and backed off, taking the sudden discharges from Misaka-san's bangs to be a bad sign. "Mi—um—Onee—"

"I hear something squeaking and I hate it when things squeak. It means they're broken. Do you know what we do with broken shit in Tokiwadai?" Misaka-san pulled out a coin and Kuroko instantly panicked._ She snapped! _"We burn it."

"Waaaaaaaaait!" Kuroko jumped in between them, blocking Misaka-san's aim at Saten-san, and instantly regretting it. It wasn't like her suicide would stop anyone else from being killed.

"Move, Kuroko, unless you want a hole in your stomach. I've heard dying is a great way to lose weight."

"O-Oneee-samaaaaa, we have to step back just a tiiiiiny little and look at the situation once more, don't we?" Kuroko folded her hands and begged in her most pleading manner. Judging by the deadly glare in Misaka-san's eyes, it was super un-effective.

_Dammit, what would Ko-senpai do in this situation? _Kuroko imagined the only pleasant person she knew and wracked her brain, when a flyer drifted past in the air above. Judging by the picture on it, it advertised the opening of a new crepe stand. _'All you need is crepe!' _Of course!

"Let's go buy some crepe!" She shouted, and in the silence that followed, she felt smaller and smaller in front of her roommate. But then, thankfully, Misaka-san sighed and lowered her hand, and with it the promise of death and destruction.

"Good grief, Kuroko, you know how to ruin a moment. You're paying."

Even if it emptied her wallet, Kuroko could only thank the Lord for having sent that flier her way. It had saved Academy City and most of all, Kuroko, from the Railgun's fury. Misaka-san threw her schoolbag over her shoulder and turned away.

"Well? You coming?"

Even Saten-san looked slightly stunned now, and Uiharu was red-cheeked and breathing heavily. Misaka-san didn't care to wait for them, and walked off on her own. As such, Kuroko picked up Saten-san's comment even though Misaka-san did not.

"Wow! She's even more of a bitch than I thought! This is so cool, Uiharu-san!"

"And _so _hot!" Uiharu squealed. "Let's come, Saten-san!"

"Don't you mean – no you don't."

Kuroko pretended she didn't hear that.

Their destination lay on the block next over.

XXX

"Jesus Christ, so many brats." Mikoto plowed her way through a gaggle of kids without looking twice at any of them. If it was up to her, they'd have the entire plaza to themselves. Kids had no idea how to appreciate someone famous anyway, and even when they did, they were just annoying.

These kids didn't look like Acamdey City citizens just yet, since they were accompanied by some sort of guide lady. That made them even less interesting to be around.

"I think they're in the city to learn what's it like." The bimbo behind her intelligently observed, and Mikoto snorted, ignoring her otherwise. They brushed by a group of chattering girls when the crepe stand came into view, and Mikoto narrowed her gaze.

"Oh man, the line is long as a dick!"

"Aw fuck. No way in hell am I waiting in that." Kuroko sighed, already looking bored. "I'm gonna head over to a bench and wait this out."

"Not so fast. You're paying, remember?" Mikoto said, and the teleporter froze in her stride. With a series of grumbles, Kuroko picked out her wallet and handed Mikoto two ten thousand yen bills. Mikoto smirked at her. She knew how to pay for her health. "Good girl."

With a huff and a grunt Kuroko stomped off, and the bespectacled nerd looked like she'd rather follow.

"Saten-san, will you take my order? I think my legs will collapse if I have to stay in line for so long."

"Are you sure they won't collapse for a whole other reason~?"

"Screw you."

"Gladly!"

Mikoto did not wait for them to finish. All in all, her patience had long since ran out, and she strode towards the crepe stand, ignoring every other person in line. "Scram." She shoved the kid first in line out of her way, right in the middle of his order. Then she turned to the cashier, who stood stunned and staring at her.

"Two strawberry cream, and make it quick."

The kid she'd pushed away started wailing, crying about something or the other.

Mikoto rolled her eyes. "Oh great, now we've got a fucking funeral setting. I'm gonna throw up. Get a move on already!"

The guy in the stall blinked twice, and then a light of realization lit up in his eyes. The tremor of fear running through his body was visible to the naked eye, and with a squeal of a "yes!" he threw himself around and began making her order.

"Woah, Misaka-san! Don't run off like that!" The bimbo with more guts than brain came up behind her, resting her polished nails on her knees while she attempted to catch her breath, as if she'd ran a mile.

"What are you doing?" Mikoto asked without offering her a glance.

"Buying crepe, silly! Wow, you just cut in front of—"

"The line starts back there." Mikoto jerked her thumb over her shoulder, cutting her off.

The bimbo stared at her for a few seconds, mouth half open, and Mikoto glanced at her from the corner of her eye without offering another word. Slowly, the girl closed her mouth, and then it pulled up into a grin.

"You… fucking bitch."

Mikoto smirked. "You have no idea."

"H-Here is your order, Railgun-sama!" The cashier hurriedly came with her order, two pieces of carefully crafted crepe. "I'm sorry for the time, I hope you'll enjoy—"

"Whatever." She smacked a ten thousand yen onto the counter, causing the guy to jump. "I want my change in 100 yen coins, please. I'm hitting the arcade later."

The guy looked lost for a second. "Um, the total is 1530 yen, so that makes…"

"What do I care? Do the math and get on with it. I don't have all day."

He scrambled to work and began counting hundreds, using his register to do the math for him. Mikoto picked up the crepes in the meantime and noticed with a frown how a green frog figure was stuck in the wrapping around one of them.

"What the hell's this?"

"Oh, actually, we just opened today and are giving out a free special edition Gekota figure to the first hundred customers!" The cashier seemed nervous. "You're actually the last one to get one."

"Is that what the brat is crying over?" Mikoto glanced at the kid she'd pushed out of the way, whose eyes were big red and puffy. She wrinkled her nose in disgust. "Hey kid." She towered above him and, taking the two crepes in one hand, picked out the figure from the wrapping on her crepe. "This shit is for geeks, you know? It's not even good for firewood. You'll never become a powerful esper if you spend your time on crap." Her lips twitched. "Well. Not like it's a big chance you'll become one anyway."

The boy looked up at her with huge trembling eyes, and with a line of snot running from his nose. She grimaced, feeling less and less hungry.

"B-but it's Gekota!" He stuttered, as if the world was about to end.

Mikoto sighed. "Yeah, so? This thing ain't useful for shit. Look." She raised her hand with the figure at the very end, and charged her ability. Blue crackles jumped from her shoulder and arm and gathered at one point near her thumb. While the boy, the cashier and everyone in line watched wide-eyed, she flicked the figure with her thumb, aiming at one of the trash cans nearby. A blast of electricity shot forward, but there was only a single flame of orange, and the effect wore off in less than a second. In the end, the trash can and everything around it stood perfectly unscratched, and only a black lump of scorched plastic hit the lid and bounced to the ground, where it remained sizzling.

Mikoto shrugged. "Can't even work as ammunition."

The boy, looking like he'd been shocked to the core, stared after the burnt figure with a trembling lip, and then began wailing again. Mikoto huffed and turned towards the cashier, who stood ready with her change in a pile in his trembling hands. She gave it one look and frowned.

"What the hell's with all these coins?"

"Y-You asked for your change in 100 yen coins, R-Railgun-sama…" He looked ready to crap himself, but Mikoto sighed.

"Do I look like a kangaroo to you? I don't have room for a quadrillion coins. Just give me enough for the arcade and the rest in notes, get it?"

"B-But the register's closed now and I can't open it without another transaction—"

"And why is that my problem?"

XXX

"Holy shit. Uiharu, I think I'm in love." Ruiko sighed, leaning back into the bench while holding her wrapped crepe with both hands. "No wonder she's the best! That look on her face when she cornered the cashier – jeez, my whole body is trembling!" She shuddered gleefully.

Uiharu sat beside her, licking her own crepe. "This hasn't really made me change my mind about her."

"Right?"

They both looked over at the ace of Tokiwadai, who just now pulled a hand through her hair with a sigh, having burdened Shirai-san with carrying both of their school bags and her own crepe too. The longhaired girl was heroically carrying all of this and simultaneously attempting to wipe the surface of the bench next to Ruiko and Uiharu, using her foot and a handkerchief for the task.

Misaka-san looked magnificent, there was no denying that. Even though Ruiko had taken a jab at her chest, that had merely been a test. Misaka-san did not fail, and had earned her respect tenfold.

"She's like another entity."

"Well, she _is _a Level 5." Uiharu stated.

"The way she looks down at everyone is amazing. I can't believe everyone loves her even now."

"The power of the media is not to be underestimated. Plus, she's hot as hell even in real life." Uiharu licked her lips.

The power of good looks never seemed to fail. Ruiko was even more determined now than ever before. If she could inch her way in on Misaka-san, she'd have access to all the best of what Academy City had to offer!

When the bench seemed adequately clean and the Tokiwadai students had sat themselves beside them, Ruiko leaned forward.

"Say, Misaka-san, what are your hobbies?"

"Hm?" The older girl looked over, accepting the offered crepe from Kuroko. "Hobbies?"

"Yeah, besides being a bitch, I mean."

The girl snorted. "Why should I tell you? Is this some kind of attempt at creating a friendly atmosphere? Listen." She glanced over, gracing them with the most bored fuck-off look Ruiko had ever seen. "I'm just humoring you guys with my company because Kuroko here would never stop nagging at me otherwise. I couldn't care less about social outings like this. Really, unless it's for the purpose of admiration, I don't care for contact with other people at all."

Ruiko could have squealed in joy, but at that moment something exploded behind them; the shockwave went over their heads and rustled the leaves of the trees.

"What was that?" Ruiko turned around, to see a hole in the security shutters of the bank on the other side of the road. Smoke was bellowing out, and three guys with covered faces followed.

"A robbery?" Shirai-san stated, and groaned. "For shit's sake. I'm off duty and all."

"Oh." Uiharu turned her head as well. "Should we call Anti-Skill?"

"Eh, why bother. Someone else will."

They watched as the men ran for a car parked nearby and jumped inside, while the ringing alarms went off inside the bank.

"None of them good-looking enough for you, Kuroko?"

"Hmmm, no. Not worth the effort."

"You know, for being so set on dieting, you are fucking lazy."

Shirai-san sighed and looked as Misaka-san as the car engine revved alive. "Are you okay with this then, Onee-sama? There might be a reporter nearby."

Misaka-san bit into her crepe. "All these brats have drained my energy. Mmmmgh—!?" She blanched and stared wide-eyed at the crepe in her hand. Meanwhile the car with the robbers screeched and took off, heading for the intersection up ahead.

"I wonder if they'll drive around the plaza and head for the highway." Uiharu said, looking after the car with solemn curiosity. "If they do, it'll be hard for Anti-Skill to catch them."

Whatever answer any of them could have given was abruptly cut off when Misaka-san stood up. There was a dark expression on her face.

"What's wrong, Onee-sama?"

"This crepe… has way too much cream."

"Really? I'm sure we can take some off—" Shirai-san's suggestion was brutally ignored as Misaka-san threw the crepe aside turned towards the crepe stand, reaching into her pocket. Ruiko heard the clinking of coins and was filled by curiosity. Was she going to buy another?

But Shirai-san reacted entirely differently.

"Onee-sama!" She stood up with a look of terror on her face, immediately setting off all of Ruiko's survival instincts. Misaka-san had begun crackling, blue charges of electricity dancing from her shoulders and bangs.

"There's no use wasting space on shit like that." While her entire posture radiated displeasure, Misaka-san raised her hand. Just like with the Gekota figure, a coin now rested in front of her thumb. She aimed at the crepe stand and Shirai-san stood up with a cry towards everyone on the plaza.

"RUN!"

The people in line barely had time to pull the kids away and duck down before Misaka-san fired. It was a blast of ungodly power; the blinding light and deafening thunder enough to send Ruiko's senses tumbling. Every centimeter of her skin tingled, and the cries and wails of humans joined with the immense explosion rustling their clothes.

While still pressing her hands to her ears, Ruiko looked up to see the crepe stand completely demolished, the cashier standing trembling beside a crevice in the ground running right through his workplace. The crevice continued through the bushes lining the other end of the plaza and across the road on the other side, before ending in a sizeable hole in a building. The cars on the road had stopped, but one of them seemed to have taken a hit from the beam, having spun out of control and crashed into the wall of the building.

"Holy… shit." Ruiko blinked slowly.

Shirai-san looked stunned. "That's… the car with the robbers."

Uiharu started. "What!?"

"Hmf." Misaka-san huffed. "Collateral damage."

The sirens of Anti-Skill vehicles soon broke through the chaotic panic on the plaza, and reporters arrived in vans. The second they got a handle on the situation, they swarmed around Misaka-san like flies to a light.

Shirai-san stood behind with Ruiko and Uiharu, sighing. "Of course, she ends up with the glory once again."

"So this is how those headlines come to be." Uiharu murmured, looking rather pale.

Ruiko clasped her hands together and squealed. "This is too amazing! I can't believe it, I got to see the Railgun in one of her most famous moments!"

She could barely restrain herself when Misaka-san returned to them a minute later, looking bored already.

"You were amazing, Misaka-san!"

Misaka-san looked up at her and scoffed.

"Of course. After all," she tossed her hair back with a flick of her hand, "I'm the Railgun."

END…?


	2. Chapter 2: WTRYRPTE

**Note: **What the hell.**  
**

XXX_  
_

**Episode 2: Whilst Trying to Rid Yourself of a Roommate, Proper Tactic is Essential**

Mikoto ran. Tiny drops of sweat were gathering on her brow, and her expression told anyone in her path to stay the hell away. Rather than asking the distressed middle schooler what her trouble was, people moved out of the way as she came running down the street. She dashed past a Greenmart and across an intersection at red light, cars honking in her wake.

_Did I lose him? _She glanced left and right, just in time to catch a flash of movement in the alley next to her. Her eyes widened and she turned at the corner, taking off down another street. Left, right, the street became an alley, and suddenly she faced a dead end. _Shit! _Academy City's back alleys were a labyrinth and she did not know them well enough to shake her pursuer.

"Misakaaaaaa~" His lecherous grin peered down her neck and she shuddered, tensing up. _N-No way… you can't be scared!_

"What the hell's wrong with you!?" She snapped, turning around with a fizzle of sparks leaping from her bangs. "Back off!"

The spiky-haired high school boy grinned even wider. "No can do." His fingers twitched, and Mikoto jerked, stepping back a notch.

"Get the hell away from me!" A spear of lightning shot out and struck the boy, but he merely launched forward, right arm outstretched.

"I'll break that virginity of yours, Misaka-saaaan!"

XXX

_KABOOOOOM!_

"Woah, what was that?" Kazari looked up, but there was no weather phenomenon ongoing that would explain the thunderous sound that just split the sky.

"Your ass?" Saten-san's voice barely rose to a mutter. Kazari sighed deeply, glancing at her miserable friend. Man was she hard to handle sometimes. Saten-san had like two default settings: High or low. When she wasn't high, she was down. _Really _down. It wasn't hard to tell either; she'd exchanged her colorful make-up for black lipstick, dark mascara and tits knew what else. Basically, her choice of color reflected her state of mind. It made no sense in Kazari's head. How did she manage if her mood switched midway through a day? And the simple answer was that she couldn't, of course.

In other words, Saten-san had decided to be in a shitty mood today.

"What's wrong with you?" Kazari asked. "Just the other day you were really ecstatic about Misaka-san and everything and now you're acting as if your shit went explosive this morning."

Saten-san sighed deeply and sunk back into the bench she was slouched on. They'd originally met with the intention to go shopping, but Saten-san was so pathetic that the only thing they'd managed to do all day was sit and mope outside the train station. Saten-san didn't want to do _anything._

"She hasn't answered. Not a single one."

"Answered?" Kazari blinked. "Who?"

"It doesn't matter. I guess I'm just a fool. I'm not important enough for Misaka-san to bother with a reply, I know that." Saten-san seemed to sink deeper and deeper down onto the bench. "Yet I'd hoped that she, of all people, would recognize my potential."

Oh, so that's it. Kazari imagined Saten-san eagerly sending message after message to Misaka-san, excited about the replies, only to get none. Sure, that could probably break her.

"So how long ago did you send them? Misaka-san is probably pretty busy, you know."

"I sent one just now and she still hasn't answered!"

"Give her more than two seconds!" With a defeated sigh, Kazari turned away from her depressed friend, only to catch a flash of a familiar uniform. "Hm?"

It was Misaka-san. She was just stopping to catch her breath after having bolted out of the adjacent alleyway, just down the street from where they sat. _What's she doing? _She looked winded, and her clothes were all askew; she attempted to straighten them out, flicked her hair and pulled a deep breath. Then, the Ace of Tokiwadai slung her schoolbag over her shoulder in that mesmerizing manner which made Kazari's crotch itch – in a good way – and strolled off down the street.

"Saten-san, Saten-san!" She leaned forward and shook Saten-san by the shoulder. "Look, there she is!"

"So? I hate her." Saten-san grumbled, not even turning her head to look at Misaka-san's retreating back.

"Don't you want to find out why she hasn't answered?"

"I don't care."

"Oh, stop being such a pain in the ass. Come on, let's stalk Misaka-san!"

XXX

One month. Kuroko stared at the lines carved into the wall, before sighing deeply and placing her metal spike to the wooden surface. _Riiiiiip. _Each line represented one day; their numbers represented the total amount of days spent as Misaka Mikoto's roommate. One entire, god-awful month.

Kuroko was currently ripping a new line into the wood between two of the posters overflowing the walls of their room; a kitten climbing a branch and two rabbits with top hats nibbling the same carrot. Behind her, the laptop was playing a range of children's songs, attempting to pierce the gloomy atmosphere of her soul. She'd turned the lights up, hoping to illuminate their new decorations as much as possible. Today, one month ago, was the day Kuroko had been assigned as Misaka-san's roommate, after that girl had exhausted her old one to the point where she became hospitalized. At this rate, Kuroko would soon follow.

But she had not lost hope yet.

_It has only been one month. _It felt like years. But today, it would all end. The last couple of weeks, she had spent every available moment observing Misaka-san. That's right; if the other girl knew, she'd probably smirk in self-satisfaction. But Kuroko had observed her not to admire, but to learn. She had pinpointed Misaka-san's weak point.

Kuroko sat up straight and pulled the zipper of her completely up. Black and white cotton patterns; fluffy ears; she was the very picture of cute. Everything was prepared. She could hear footsteps in the hallway, and clenched her hand around the spike, preparing herself. _This is my double pincer attack. I will choke you with your greatest fear and humiliate your pride at one and the same time._ _It's time for "Onee-sama" to taste some of her own medicine. _A hand on the door handle; she was returning. Kuroko's lips pulled up in a nervous triumphant grin as she turned towards the single uncovered poster by the side of the door. _Today will be the day when Misaka-san throws me out!_

The door opened and Kuroko made her move.

"Mimi-chaaaAAAAAAN!" She began with a squeal and ended with a roar as she threw her spike straight past Misaka-san's shoulder, only to embed itself into the abdomen of the Misaka Mikoto poster beside the door, joining several others in her mock game of darts.

"Hiyaaah!?" Someone shrieked in surprise, and Kuroko froze.

It was not Misaka-san. While standing there in a battle-like stance, Kuroko met the surprised stare of Uiharu, who stood stunned in the door opening.

"…eh?" Kuroko blinked.

"Eh?" Uiharu blinked as well, still holding the door handle. "Shirai-san, you're in?"

"_You're _the one who shouldn't be here!"

"No, it's not that." Uiharu said, blinking again. "Aren't you on duty today?"

Kuroko started. "Uh – well… something came up."

Uiharu looked her over and Kuroko was suddenly very self-conscious about the panda outfit she was wearing. Her partner's eyes continued to glance over the walls, where pictures of animals and anime figures hang over every single Mikoto picture available, covering them as well as she could manage; and finally Uiharu's eyes landed on the beds, where tons of plush animals had taken residence on the fine Tokiwadai covers.

"Um…" The girl didn't look like she knew exactly how to react.

Kuroko suddenly had the urge to defend herself. "It's not normally like this!"

"What the hell're you waiting for, Uiharu?" A voice behind Uiharu spoke up and someone shoved Uiharu inside. "Let's go on already. We came here for some juicy facts, didn't we? Oh hey, Shirai-san." The black-and-white face of Saten-san looked like it came right out of a horror movie.

"Wait—" Kuroko started, and froze upon seeing the third and final person appearing in the doorway.

"So you guys _were _tailing me." Her glare was deadly, though her lips quirked in a smirk. Kuroko stiffened entirely on her bed, having lost the momentum she'd been prepared to get from taking initiative from the get-go. Now, Misaka-san stepped into the room, smacked the door shut behind her, and they all paled at the _click_ from the lock.

Misaka-san's eyes shifted from left to right, scanning the room. As every crawling turtle, yawning kitten and puppy-eyed duckling was taken in, her expression turned more and more horrified. Kuroko was filled with hope. _It's working!_

Then Misaka-san clenched her teeth. "Kuroko."

_Eeeeep! _

"What the—" Then her eyes found her bed and the countless plush animals stuffed into it. A visible tremor ran through her body as her eyes widened, and she suddenly backed off into the door. "The hell did you do to my bed!?"

Bingo! Kuroko would regain her upper hand in this instant. She put on her most adorable smile and cocked her head slightly. "I just thought our room would look good with some different decoration, Kuro-Kuro-Ku~"

Misaka-san's expression turned speechless, but then her hands curled into fists. Sparks began playing from her bangs and Kuroko faltered. _She's not… running. _

"You… fucking… heh." In the midst of her seething anger, Misaka-san chuckled. Slowly, her power expanded and washed over the room, causing the hairs on their arms to stand on end. Papers fell from the walls, drifting to the floor, and one look was enough to tell Kuroko why. The tacks she'd used to hang up the countless pictures and cover Misaka-san's portraits, were slowly being twisted out of the wall by the electromagnetic power wielded by the Level 5. Hundreds of pictures, hundreds of tacks. Even the spikes she'd used to create her game of darts were pulled out of the wall with ease. Soon they all floated in the air around them, pointy metal tips glinting ominously.

"Kuroko, do you believe you have any control over what kind of decorations we'll have in my room?"

"Errrr…" Kuroko began to feel sweaty when every single pointy tip turned towards her. "Strictly speaking, it's my room as well, I believe…?"

"I'm going to hang _you_ on the wall! Learn to appreciate what gifts your deity sends you!"

"Gaaaah!" The spikes and tacks all flew at her and swept her off the bed like an eagle grabbing a lamb. She slammed into the wall face first, pressed into the chest of a half-naked Mikoto poster.

At that point, Kazari regretted having stalked Misaka-san. Not that watching Misaka-san exercising such brute force upon Kazari's partner was a disturbing sight in the least, but more by the fact that now that Shirai-san had been dealt with, Misaka-san's attention was returned to them.

Luckily, rather than spearing them or shocking them unconscious, Misaka-san made Kazari and Saten-san clean up her bed and remove all of the cute animal pictures Shirai-san must have spent an eternity printing out. It was during this task that Kazari happened to spot a black box hidden beneath Misaka-san's bed.

"Hey Misaka-san, what is this box?" She asked and pulled it out, while Saten-san was gloomily shoving stuffed animals into the trash can. Misaka-san had sat down on her bed and opened a can of coconut cider.

"Oh, that's my photo album." She said.

"As opposed to your wall?" Saten-san snorted, only to have the stuffed animal in her hands burst into fire from a sudden spark. "Uwaaah!" She threw it to the floor and began stomping it, while Misaka-san sipped the cider.

"A photo album? So it's pictures from when you were little and such!?" Kazari's eyes suddenly glittered. She was holding a goldmine here! If she could sell pictures of Misaka-san's childhood online, it could start a whole new trend in the doujin community!

"You can look if you want." Misaka-san said, and Kazari eagerly opened the box.

"Wooooooaaaaaaaaah!" She could barely hold her voice from becoming a shriek of joy. The pictures revealed in front of her eyes were completely original! "I haven't seen these anywhere!" She picked up a picture of what looked like a Misaka-san at age six or seven. She was looking at the camera over her shoulder, carrying a skateboard under her arm while donning a smart pair of dungarees, a pink t-shirt and a cap stuck backwards on her head. And there were more. Misaka-san in all ages up through elementary, in different outfits, poses and themes. There was even some of her in animal suits!

"You're younger than the ones on the wall in all of these." Saten-san had come over as well, having successfully disposed of the burning teddy. She looked over Kazari's shoulder. "What's this?" She picked up a certain item and Kazari's eyes boggled.

"These are—!"

"My elementary school panties. I used them during the photo shoots."

Kazari could hardly breathe for the drool in her mouth.

"There are several!" Saten-san said, digging deeper. Her enthusiasm seemed to be returning, but Kazari couldn't care less right now.

"I've got one from each year. Their smell gives such a nostalgic feeling—"

"WAIT!" Kazari shrieked, grabbing Saten-san's wrist. The longhaired girl had just uncovered something incredible in her digging. "N-n-n-no – no – no clothes!"

"Jeez Uiharu, you sound like you're going to faint." Saten-san sighed. "It's just nude pics. Hey, what's this?" She pulled up a piece of paper, and Misaka-san, who'd crossed her legs in a most satisfied position, provided them answers.

"A fan letter."

"'To the older me…' wait, it's from yourself!?" Saten-san's eyes widened, and Misaka-san's grin grew content.

"There are answers there as well."

"You even answer your own fan letters!?" Saten-san seemed stunned for a moment, and then crumpled the letter in her hand. Her expression turned dark, enough so to even miss the pissed off look entering Misaka-san's face. "And yet you…"

"S-Saten-san?" Kazari pulled back slightly, recognizing the signs of an outburst.

"And yet you won't even acknowledge the messages _I've _sent you!" Saten-san roared, standing up and throwing the letter aside. "You don't even care about your fans, do you!?"

"Messages?" Misaka-san cocked her head with a dangerous smirk. It was like she considered sparing their lives until they'd provided adequate entertainment. _She really looks best in 2D though… _"What messages?"

"And now you're pretending you never even got them!? Hiiiiiiiiiiiiii!" Saten-san pulled at her hair as if in great pain, but there was a sense of awe in her tone as well. It must be her appreciation of Misaka-san's bitchiness spilling forth again.

Misaka-san sighed. "I really doubt you sent me any though."

"I did! I found your number online and sent it to you! All these messages!" Saten-san pulled out her phone and showed off a string of messages, some of which Kazari hoped was meant to be saved for a private album instead.

"Online? Ah, I see." Misaka-san grinned. "You sent them to one of those cons."

Saten-san looked clueless. "Cons?"

"Fake numbers. Mine is obviously secret, you wouldn't find it online. If you searched for my name in an online number registry and got a hit, there was probably more than one too. Those are people finding it fun to use their data manipulation powers to register their number in my name. Your panty shots are in someone else's hands now."

"Eeeeeeeeeh?" Saten-san blanched. And then she suddenly chuckled. "Hah! Any publicity is good publicity! Enjoy the show, stranger!" She began laughing at her phone in a decidedly mad manner, and Kazari snatched the chance.

"Misaka-san, Misaka-san, I have a question for you." She glanced at the box with unveiled glee. "How much for all this!?"

An exasperated groan answered her. "Really, you think that's for sale? And to _you_?"

Kazari paled, the excitement quickly draining as Misaka-san stood up with a darkening glare.

"There is only one thing I hate more than those faking their names into mine. And that is people who think they can appreciate my treasures better than me." She slapped a hand to her chest with an immense ferocity. "Only _I _can truly embrace the value I bring into the world!"

…_pling._ A short sound interrupted the stunned silence.

"Yeah?" Misaka-san turned to the wall, where an electronic doorbell was located.

"Um, there's a delivery to room 207. Is there a Misaka Mikoto there?"

"That's me. What does the label say?"

"Um, it says 'Misaka Mikoto maid cosplay outfit'…"

At that moment, Kuroko twitched alive on the wall, drops of sweat appearing on her brow. "You didn't!"

"That's right, Kuroko. Get ready to change gears. No more panda outfits for you!"

It was too much for the teleporter. With a cry of desperation she vanished from the wall and appeared right in front of the doorbell.

"Please, take it away! Dear God, run from the premises right at this—"

_SPAZZH. _The doorbell whizzed and died right in front of her, and the crackles kept dancing from Misaka-san's bangs.

"What do you think you're doing, Kuroko?"

"Eh… I mean, you wouldn't treat someone who so kindly became your roommate in this manner, would you…?" She tried with a smile, but Misaka-san did not look convinced.

"Kuroko…"

"Y-Yes?"

"You're the one who begged yourself into changing rooms, aren't you? You were sick and tired of watching your roommate do her homework and keeping up with her neat and tidy routines, isn't that right? So you wished for a roommate who'd do none of those things, and guess which bed happened to be free." Kuroko paled more and more, and Misaka-san stepped forward. "You're wearing that cosplay until I say otherwise!"

"Noooooooooo!" Kuroko bolted for the door, tears erupting from her eyes.

Lightning leapt off of Misaka-san behind her. "You're not getting away!"

_CRAAASSH. _The entire door to their room exploded outwards and Kuroko was thrown into the wall on the other side, too startled to even blink properly. An instant later Misaka-san was upon her, holding her down and crackles playing from her raised hand.

"I think we'll start by cutting off your hair, huh? That way it'll be easier to color!"

Kuroko wailed and fought, but her lazy way of life hadn't exactly favored her with a strong physique. Misaka-san, whose entire life revolved around good looks, had far more hours in the gym to draw from.

"Eeeeep! M-M-Misaka-san, Shirai-san! W-What are you doing?"

In that instant, an angel's voice cut through the abuse to come. Misaka-san paused, and Kuroko looked up with teary eyes.

"Dorm mistress!"

The woman with rectangular glasses carried a tray in her hands, looking startled where she stood just meters away from the mess they'd created. Her eyes were huge. "Are you two fighting again? Oh no, this isn't good at all. What will the principal say?" Her eyes began quivering, and Kuroko's heart trembled.

"Aaaah, whatever." Misaka-san sighed and miraculously stood up, stepping away from Kuroko.

"Dorm mistress!" Kuroko dragged herself forward, pleading at the woman in front of her. "Surely you can see… that we do not work as roommates! Please, dorm mistress! You have to – break us up!"

The dorm mistress still looked startled, and then suddenly smiled. "Oh, nonsense. You guys are always creating so much life around here! I even brought you tea for your guests, see?" She held out the tray where indeed, four porcelain cups and a steaming pot sat waiting. She was the one who'd let them in, wasn't she?

"Hm. Kuroko seems to think we're not fit as roommates, dorm mistress." Misaka-san said, and this time, her voice was entirely different; pleasing and friendly, she addressed the dorm mistress in an entirely different way than anyone else. Kuroko recognized this tone. _It's her flatter attack!_

"No, dorm mistress, don't listen to her!" She cried, but the woman already looked thoughtful.

"Hmm, that's no good, is it?" Then she beamed. "I have an idea!"

XXX

"How come a 'bonding activity' became something like this…?" Kuroko grumbled, making a half-hearted attempt at swabbing her mop on the empty pool floor. Her shoulders hunched high as the sweat poured down her brow in streams. "And how is this 'bonding' anyway!? Damn it, Mimi-chan!"

She turned and glared up at the person who'd benched herself in on a sunbed by the edge of the pool, sunglasses on and a tiny bikini the size of grapes covering her chest. She even had a parasol and a small table with a fresh lemonade on it, directly ordered from the school cafeteria. _She's so spoiled it's sickening!_

"You say something, Kuroko?" The Laze of Tokiwadai didn't even look her way. Grrrrrrrr!

"You're not even touching the mop!"

"You're hardly either. Going at this speed it'll take you two full days to reach the halfway mark. And let's be honest, this workout is great for your diet." Mikoto smirked down at her, enjoying the look of frustration building on her roommate's face. "I wouldn't take this opportunity away from you. Keep working."

The girl in the maid outfit fumed, and Mikoto smirked. Though Kuroko's hair was still sticking out beneath the wig, it was like watching a long-haired version of her maid self doing housework. _Not bad, not bad~ A shorter, frailer look might reach a new fanbase… _She was appreciating her own appeal with a new look, rather than Kuroko's.

"You're the one who put this idea into the dormsie's head." Kuroko grumbled down there. "With all your 'working is great for making friends and for exercise as well' bullshit…"

Mikoto adjusted her sunglasses. "I hear something squeaking again."

"Maybe you should have your ears checked!"

"Heh." She grinned and grabbed the lemonade from the table beside her, taking a long sip. Down in the pool, Kuroko clenched the mop tighter, and her shoulders began trembling.

"It's so unfair…" she sniffed. "Everything I do end up like this! I'm just trying to get out of your room, dammit! I don't _want _to be your roommate, and I know you don't want it either! Why won't you let me leave? I'm trying to get along, but it's just not working…" she hiccupped, tears running down her cheeks despite her best efforts to dry them off. "I don't know what else to doooooooooo!"

For a while her crying was the only sound, and Mikoto slowly pulled the straw out of her mouth. Then she grinned.

"Why don't you fill out the paperwork then?"

"Gh—!" Kuroko's shoulders twitched.

"I'm not stopping you. Go ahead, fill it, get transferred. Maybe I'd finally be able to get a single room too. I'd like to use the extra space for my figure collection."

Kuroko shuddered at the idea of what kind of collection that was. "If you want it that badly, just make them throw me out! It'd take less time than the paperwork mill!"

"I kinda enjoy your company though."

"You just want a punching bag!" Kuroko sounded annoyed, and then her 'Hm?' ceased the current discussion. Two shadows fell across Mikoto's face seconds later.

"Ey, look. They put shrimp in our tub."

"Isn't that Shirai-san from our class?"

She glanced up to see a couple of athletic girls crossing their arms above her and looking down at Kuroko in the pool. Mikoto's expression turned sour. While one had long, black hair and the other curly brown, the two girls who'd approached her had one thing in common; muscle. Beneath the Tokiwadai swimsuit a set of four-pack abs sat on them both, and their arms were bulked and defined. _Swimmers? _Mikoto felt a chill down her spine. _And these guys are first-years?_

Two sets of eyes met hers, and the girls smirked down at her. "Oh hey, Awatsuki-san. Isn't this the darn Ace an' all?"

"She looks comf'rtable, Awatsuki-san. Wanna do somethin' about that?"

Mikoto didn't react fast enough. The black-haired girl suddenly grabbed the edge of her sunbed and sent it flipping through the air. Mikoto landed harshly on the ground and before she could gather her bearings, the brown-haired girls snapped her fingers and the lemonade floated into the air right above her head. Then it splashed onto her face.

"Ooooops. So sorry about that."

Kuroko was thunderstruck, staring at the scene in terror, while Mikoto sat up, soaked with lemonade, and slowly began chuckling. She got to her feet, pulled a hand through her hair, and glared at the two first-years. Tiny charges began leaping from her bangs.

"Who the hell do you think you are?"

No no no no, Kuroko despaired while clenching the mop, considering throwing it right at that stupid Level 5's head to shut her up. If this escalated, it would turn into an all-out fight, and Misaka-san wasn't known to hold back against her opponents.

"Wannai-saaaaan, Awatsuki-saaaan~"

Her suicide plans became obsolete by the arrival of a third person in the school swimsuit. She was a tall and slender blonde, with an athletic build only rivaled by Misaka-san, and a cheerful grin the size of a swizz cheese. She was the star of the swim club, having won the latest contest with a mere breast length, and the sweetest celebrity in all of Tokiwadai. She was the school's second Level 5, Shokuhou Misaki.

"Did you already start cleaning the pool? I'll help you out!" Shokuhou-san beamed, and Misaka-san hissed and backed off with a decidedly uncertain expression. Yes, it was this fact that had led Kuroko to use stuffed animals and cute posters as her weapon yesterday. Misaka-san despised cute things, Shokuhou-san included.

"Oh, Misaka-san! I had no idea you'd volunteered to help us out as well!" The girl nicknamed Mental Out stopped in front of Misaka-san with a cheerful beam, while the two first-years smirked behind her. "You're such a sweetie, Misaka-san! Thank you very much for helping!" She bowed, and Misaka-san withdrew like a vampire exposed to the burn of sunlight.

"Now that's a sight to behold." Kuroko muttered.

"Oh, Shirai-san too?" Shokuhou-san noticed her then, and immediately looked surprised. "My, that outfit looks awfully chest constricting! You sure have much dedication ability to your work, Shirai-san!"

"Well, you know…" Kuroko muttered, only to be interrupted when Shokuhou-san whipped out the bag she carried on her back.

"I brought vegetable juice for everyone! Let's all put our chest ability in to clean the pool together, and we'll be done in no time!"

Led by an enthusiastic blonde with way too high energy levels, the two of them ended up scrubbing the pool together after all. Although Kuroko was almost dying from overheating and Mikoto was as pale as a ghost, the job got done at speeds which would have been impossible with just the two of them.

"My arms are… melting…" Kuroko whined, only to be picked up by her two classmates.

"We'll help you out, Shirai-san!" They swung her back and forth like she was the mop, and meanwhile, Shokuhou-san chattered with Mikoto as if they were the world's best friends.

"Oh, I still need more training. I keep trying, but my breasts still slow me down!"

Mikoto was barely able to restrain her desire of shocking every single person in the pool.

As Shokuhou-san, Awatsuki-san and Wannai-san left them afterwards, Mikoto looked ready to murder.

"Kuroko. If you ever plot a stupid escape plan like that again…" her glare drove daggers into Kuroko and she gulped quickly, "…I'll make sure you end up as _her _roommate instead!"

"—! The enthusiasm would be lethal!"

There was no pity in those killer eyes.

As such, their days as roommates continue on.

END...?


End file.
